​Think you have a fun idea? Cool. Now try setting up a table in a public place and pitch that idea to complete strangers. But first, you’ve gotta make eye contact and engage in conversation. 

​Sounds kinda scary, right? It can be…if you’re doing it without a support network. 

Jon and I have been pitching our book at in-person events, which can feel intimidating among seasoned writers and illustrators. But despite our nerves and jitters, we’ve always felt welcomed and supported. 

At one author event we attended, a fellow writer had an observation: “The writers I’ve interacted with in this community have been so kind and supportive. And when I step out, people can be so harsh. I’ve realized that my writing community has become my mothership.”

That sentiment stuck with me. “Mothership” connotes a sense of belonging, safety, and acceptance. It’s a warm place we can come back to when things get tough. We all hunger for and need our “mothership.” And in today’s world, that’s even more true.

When you’re putting yourself out there, people will judge and criticize. Constructive criticism has value, but we shouldn't dismiss it just because it stings. 

But meanness for meanness' sake? We need to push against that. But we also need to cultivate a community that allows us to make mistakes. To fail forward and learn without tearing us down in the process. 

While this applies to people pursuing creative projects, this need for a “mothership” impacts us all. The high school student struggling to find her “people” and fit in with peers who truly accept her. The aspiring entrepreneur looking for other business owners who have experienced the same challenges and can help problem-solve. The musician searching for fellow artists with whom she can keep practicing and improving her craft. 

I’ve found my “mothership” in communities like KCU and SCBWI, where fellow creatives understand the journey of nurturing a personal passion. They’ve faced rejections and empathize when you hit a wall. They strive to share wisdom while uplifting others. That’s a mothership. 

I don’t take these communities for granted. Many people don’t get it, so finding people who do is a precious gift. 

​No matter which path you pursue, I hope you find your “mothership.” This isn’t a passive endeavor. It takes effort to find your cheerleaders, especially when you flop. Search high and low for people who will encourage you and really see that you have so much to offer. They are out there. And discovering them will be so worth it. 

Writing Updates: 
We’ve been making our rounds at several author events. Here’s a video of one that took place at our local library. 

We’ve booked the following appearances:
12/14: City of Walnut Winter Wonderland
3/28-3/30: WonderCon in Anaheim (!!!)

Also, it’s not too late to get your copy of Three Bee Honey on our website. 

Don’t forget to give us a follow on our socials:
IG: @st.amantstories
TikTok: @stamantstories 

Recent Reads:
​Smart Brevity, by Roy Schwartz, Jim Vandehei, and Mike Allen 

Smart Brevity is a very quick read that discusses the power of conciseness in a world that’s bogged down by words and content. It’s not just about tightening your words. It’s about respecting people’s time. It offers practical tips on cutting the fluff and getting straight to the point. Every person who writes anything, even text messages or emails, should read this book. 

Mexikid, by Pedro Martin

I loved this graphic novel! Mexikid felt so relatable and reminded me of aspects of my childhood, including trips to Mexico to visit extended family. With a target audience around 6th-9th grade, the writing is laugh-out-loud funny, with poignant moments about death and loss. The rich storytelling is matched by the lush, colorful visuals. What I appreciated most was the attention to detail and little “side quests” in teaching readers about the culture, such as the random toys unique to Mexico. 

I highly recommend this book!

Pet Pics:

​Lilo snuggled up in her hoodie as the weather cools down. 

Some family tea: Amelie pretends she has zero interest in being friends with Lilo, but I recently caught her secretly sleeping in Lilo’s crate, snuggling with her blankets. Dun dun dunnnnn.

Sanity Corner:
I love a nice little park. And if I can get a little picnic going—even better. There is something so soothing about enjoying the outdoors with other people. 

Recently, we went to one of our favorite spots. The weather was perfect. The sun was shining. We played catch and rode scooters and went on the swings with the kids. In a time when things can be scary and unpredictable, it's good to have a place that can offer a sweet escape, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. 

That’s all for this month. Thanks for reading! :) 

If you haven’t subscribed, make sure you click below to get the next newsletter in your inbox.

Take care,
Desi

It was my dream job. The one I was set to do for 30+ years until retirement. And I chose to walk away.

Why?

There are so many reasons--more than I can actually explain well in a single newsletter post. Maybe I’ll write a memoir about it someday, lol. Honestly, I'm still processing this transition, and I feel like I will be for some time. 

However, if I had to boil my rationale down to a single word it would be this:

Changes. 

Changes in teaching--pretty much all aspects of the job. 
Changes in my priorities.
Changes in me. 

This decision to leave did not come easily or impulsively. It was one I agonized over for years. It was scary. It was filled with unknowns compared to the relative predictability of teaching. It was uncomfortable. 

But last year, I decided to make an exit plan. I started freelancing as a copywriter for advertising and marketing, and I took classes to develop my portfolio. All while teaching English full-time. And being a baseball mom and a wife.

Needless to say, it was the most grueling 18 months of my life.

Now, I’m working as a copywriter at an advertising agency. This world feels so different (in good ways) from the world I just left, and it sometimes feels a little…unreal. Like I’m going to wake up and be back to my old “normal”: sitting in my classroom, grading tests and essays, and hearing the bells ring every 55 minutes.

This process reminds me of a David Bowie song--also called “Changes”--which has these lyrics that really resonated with me: 

Chorus: 
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

One of my students this year wrote an essay, and in their piece, they asserted the importance of being comfortable with discomfort. In that space, we can discover our potential and find the most growth. 

That idea really stuck with me, so much so that I read the essay to my own kids because I wanted them to understand that healthy discomfort shouldn’t be avoided. It is a stepping stone into a better, stronger, wiser version of ourselves. 

Packing up my classroom, saying tearful goodbyes to my beloved students and colleagues, and starting a brand new job in a brand new industry has definitely been uncomfortable. 

In fact, saying goodbye to this part of my life was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long, long time. 

But I’m embracing the hard things. The discomfort. The unknown. All of it. 

Instead of dwelling on the “what was,” I’m going to allow myself to lean on the “what could be.” 

Here’s the David Bowie song if you’d like to listen:

       ^^Our cats and pup are always on the lookout from their favorite spots around the house. 

Current Read: Raymie Nightingale by Kate DiCamillo 

I just started reading Raymie Nightingale, a middle grade book by Kate DiCamillo. It centers the story of a 10 year-old girl reeling from the sudden and unexpected abandonment from her father. Raymie constructs an elaborate plan to win him back, but it is clear from the start that the plan will not work. In the meantime, she develops an unlikely friendship with two other girls dealing with their own heartbreaks. DiCamillo puts a lot of heart and energy into this story without making it overly tragic. With short chapters and an engaging pace, DiCamillo is able to help us navigate through these characters’ genuine and sometimes messy emotions while keeping us hopeful that they will find some healing. 

                                          Topics: Grief, Loss, Friendship, Coming of Age, Family 

Writing Update: 
Jon and I are hard at work in preparation for the launch of our Crowfundr Campaign later this summer. I will be announcing the official date soon. 

​This story is one we have enjoyed developing, and we are so excited to bring it out into the world!

Here is a new version of our book cover:

I’m loving Jon’s character re-designs! Can you spot which cartoon and children’s book characters inspired this design? Hint: look at the faces and legs/feet. 
​
Sanity Corner:
I’m a big fan of Lo-Fi music, especially when I’m working on anything having to do with writing, editing, or revising. 

I’ve recently discovered this station, which plays Lo-Fi versions of alternative/rock music from the 90s. 

I can’t work in silence, so instrument music is soothing and gets my creative juices flowing. 

What music do you like to listen to while working? I’d love to hear your recommendations!

Also, Jon recently bought us coffee from a local Yemeni Coffee Shop, called Qamaria. It was delicious! I love that it’s a hot spot just a short walk away. Because of Qamaria, I realized that adding a small pinch of spices like the ones pictured below is a game changer for coffee. 

​I strongly recommend trying this if you’re a coffee drinker. 

That’s it for June. I will definitely be reaching out in July with more updates, so stay tuned!

Thank you for reading! If you have any friends who’d like this newsletter, feel free to share this with them. :) 

Take care,
Desi

​When in a stressful situation, I’ve always bristled when someone says “Think of your happy place.” I tried to imagine this ideal place, but it just didn’t feel real, causing this vision to slip between my fingers after mere moments. Plus, it was hard to find a quiet moment to meditate at all when I am constantly surrounded by kids at work and at home. 

However, I learned to create my happy place--one that I could go back to whenever I wanted even if I lacked peace and quiet. Because we know my life will NOT involve anything quiet. 

Allow me to go back in time a bit. When we visited Kauai last year, my husband told me that we should choose an album to play on repeat during our days there. That way, the memories of that trip and the emotions we felt would be embedded in that music. Full disclosure, Jon learned this trick from a longtime friend. 

The album we chose? Bloom, by Beach House. 

So after spending the day at the beach snorkeling and swimming with the fish and sea turtles, we played that album as we sat in the lanai behind the house. Bloom played in the background as we sipped our cold drinks and listened to the birds calling out from the tops of the palm trees behind our house. When the album finished, we played it again as the not-so-distant ocean waves crashed and the cool wind streamed through the balcony, making the ti leaves and hibiscus flowers dance on their branches. 

Bloom played as Jon drew on his iPad and I brainstormed ideas in my notebook. It played while the kids threw a baseball back and forth on the nearby grass. 

That was it: a core sensory memory locked. 

And a few days later, we arrived back home. Back to reality. 

Back to feeling spread thin and overwhelmed by our long list of to-dos, grading, appointments, etc. I immediately longed to return to that porch in Kauai. 

​I faced grading deadlines and a huge pile of tasks. Getting caught up seemed impossible, but I slogged through the stress for a few weeks. Then, after a super taxing day at work, I slumped into the driver’s seat of my car, completely wiped out. Then I remembered a Thomas Fuller quote: “Memory is the treasure house of the mind wherein the monuments thereof are kept and preserved.” Our memories serve as monuments for us to revisit whenever we need to (and sometimes when we don’t want to, admittedly). We all have our painful monuments, but what about the joyful ones? 

The day we spent listening to Beach House came to mind, and I realized I hadn’t played that album since our vacation. I lumbered into the house with my shoulders knotted from the built up tension, and I played Bloom on our record player. 

Almost immediately, my tightly wound nerves came loose. My defensive posture dissolved from my shoulders. My mind ceased its racing. I just sat and took in that moment, devouring the calm it provided. 

I melted into the couch, letting my weight surrender to its cushions. For a few fleeting moments, I was back on that lanai. My mind had been transported to that magical island where the cool breezes made the palm trees dance. 

I found my happy place. 

Pet Pics:

Speaking of happy places: my pets have no problem finding theirs. Here’s Lilo staying warm on cold and rainy days. Amelie and Finn always snuggle together (and usually prevent us from making our bed) 

Current Read: Atomic Habits by James Clear

I just started reading James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, which several people (including my husband) recommended. So far, it has lived up to the hype.  Already, I’ve learned about the importance of small, incremental changes. Like compound interest in banking, these minute changes add up over time to lead to significant transformations. 

Some of my newest habits: 
-staying in touch with more friends by checking in frequently (even if just through text)
-networking more and introducing myself to people I don’t know
-walk outside every day

Some habits I want to get back into: 
-write creatively every single day
-wake up earlier (4am) 
-meditating

Writing Update: 
In order to gain some experience in copywriting, I’ve been busy side hustling as a freelancer. It’s been an interesting learning experience, for sure. I’ve created social media posts, email blasts, marketing campaigns, and other deliverables. You can check out my portfolio here. It’s pretty scrappy, but I’ll be adding to it as I create more portfolio pieces. 

I didn’t get a chance to re-work my GN memoir synopsis, but my husband and I are going to re-focus on THREE BEE HONEY, starting with a redesign (based on feedback we’ve received). I’ll keep you updated in the coming months!

Garden Update: 
All this rain has made our yard pop off with countless weeds, which I have been picking like crazy. But I have to say, pulling them out and seeing the garden cleaned out does feel empowering, cathartic even. Maybe pulling weeds is feeding my need for control and therefore a form of therapy? Hmmm…..maybe I’m onto a new business model there. 

That’s it for March. I look forward to updating you in April! If you have any friends who’d like this newsletter, feel free to share! :) 

Take care,
Desi

​Getting to the final draft of any project--whether it is a book, a poem, a resume, or even a monthly newsletter (ha!)--can be a frustrating and maddening process.

It’s no wonder why people avoid writing as much as possible. And it’s why resources like ChatGPT have exploded. People want proficiency from the get go. They expect their thoughts to flow like a stream coursing peacefully over smooth river stones, pushed along by the power of inspiration from the heavens. 

Anything less than perfect is not worth struggling through. Right? 

I see this with my students as well--some almost feel paralyzed at the sight of a blank page. “I have to put pen to paper and do what?” they ask with a helpless look in their eyes, losing all trust in their abilities. 

Sure, we can opt to wait for inspiration. 

​[Okay, inspiration….any day now]

But what if it doesn’t come? It can be elusive and distant. And when it doesn’t hit us, that’s a scary moment, for sure. The blank page. The insidious cursor floating on the document, mocking you with each beat. 

Henri Matisse once said, “Don’t wait for inspiration. It comes while working." And he’s right. We just need to start, embracing the messiness, and take it from there. Every finish needs a starting point. 

One way I get them past this hurdle is to follow Matisse’s advice:  just write whatever comes to mind about that subject. Some call it freewriting. I set a timer for three or five minutes, and we “sprint” on paper. Grammar, spelling, punctuation--none of that matters (gasp!...I know). We just want to unlock the ideas and get as many of them on paper as possible. 

We see the masterful works by the creatives we admire, and wonder how we can ever be as good as them. But the truth is, they also struggle with this process. All creatives do. We just see the final, polished draft, yet they, too, experience a messy process to get there. Unbeknownst to us mortals, they also have to sift through the “junk” of their initial ideas--the good and the bad--and find what’s worth keeping and developing. 

We can’t edit a blank page. We just need to let the trash flow, give it time to air out, and then go through rounds of revisions and edits. We have to dispose of what’s not working, and hone in on what is working: that’s how we’ll discover the gem within.  

So embrace the messiness of  the first draft: the key to getting to that polished piece. 

Now, excuse me as I roll up my sleeves, get back to my garbage drafts, and crank out some  long-overdue revisions to create something worth treasuring.

Pet Pics:

Every once in a while, my phone chooses violence and reminds me of a “memory”--in the form of an old photo--from long ago. Rather than share current pet pictures, this is a throwback to our sweet border collie, Ross. He was five when we adopted him, and he was a wonderful dog. This is us at the Bodie State Historic Park (a real life ghost town). At the time this picture was taken, I was expecting our first son, but Ross was our first fur baby, and a wonderful companion and running buddy. He lived 16.5 years, and we miss him so much. I’m thankful for the wonderful years we had together. 

Current Read: Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson

One of my friends gave me Black Cake, and I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t heard of this book before. It is a beautifully written story about betrayal and the secrets that tie us together. The novel spans multiple generations, starting with two estranged siblings coming together to learn about their deceased mother’s past. It switches POV, which threw me off at first. However, once you get into it, the various perspectives flow and play off each other seamlessly, revealing the rich depth of Wilkerson’s cast. Though I have been chipping away at it slowly due to my schedule, I find myself haunted by their relationships and conflicts, and I look forward to reading more as I progress through each chapter. 

Writing Update: 
The only writing I’ve been able to do is commenting on student essays (yikes, but also lol). With finals and so many other obligations, this past month was a DOOZY. I really hope to get back on the horse in the next few months and re-work a synopsis for a graphic memoir I started working on this past summer. Keep your fingers crossed for me! 

Garden Update: 
Our lime tree is popping off, so much so that we can’t keep up. So I’ve been giving away limes (and blood oranges) to neighbors who want them. I hate to see great fruit rotting on the ground; I’d prefer sharing the wealth than letting these fruits go to waste.

That's it for January. Stay tuned for some updates next month! :)

Take care,
Desi

Game nights are underrated. And maybe….just maybe…they are the antidote to the distractions and disconnect we’ve been struggling with during these past few years. 

Plus, I love board games with family and friends. But it’s not for the reasons you may suspect. 

I couldn’t care less about which game we’re playing.

In truth, it’s all about the experience we have as a group. We ditch the small talk and get into teams (or play for ourselves). It is a change in the predictable routines and long-established roles. We avoid safe topics and get real, really fast. Some of our favorite games lately have been Telestrations, Catan, and our newest one, Klask from Denmark (my husband and 12 year old son are tough to beat in this one). We also enjoy the classics: Uno, Poker, Spoons, and Scrabble. 

​This holiday season, I had the chance to play multiple games with people, and I learned so much about them in such a short span of time. I learned who is extra competitive and well….extra. 

​But I also learned who is pensive, who is quiet and sneaky, who is quick to make jokes, who likes to troll, who is earnest and honest. In the game, children and adults are equals. We lovingly roast each other, practice cooperation, and develop strategies. We laugh (a lot), we express our honest emotions, we encourage each other, and best of all, we don’t take ourselves too seriously. We create memories and inside jokes and leave us smiling long after the games are put away. 

Can it get a bit chaotic and a little dicey? Sure. But it’s real. It disrupts the tendency to stay comfortable. Plus, I think more authenticity is good in our world. 

So next time you are at a gathering or just home with your family, take a break from your devices and play together. The box you open will also come with great times and golden memories to feed your spirit. 

Inspirational Quote:
“Every day is a new life to a wise man.”-Dale Carnegie

We all have bad days. We stumble, we get hurt, we make mistakes, we get rejected, and we fail. But it’s never the end. I love this quote because it reminds me that each new day brings new possibilities, and new paths to meet our potential, as long as we don’t give up. 

Pet Pics:

​Recent Read: Who Moved My Cheese? by Dr. Spencer Johnson

This book is deceptively simple, using the allegory of mice looking for cheese to illustrate humanity’s aversion to change. It’s a quick read--I read it in one day. However, it applies to all aspects of our lives and resonated with me. It cautions against sticking with what is familiar due to fear of the unknown. We never have everything figured out. No matter how old we are, our “cheese” will be moved by forces outside of our control, and we must adapt. There is so much out there, so many possibilities for our lives. We just have to be willing to take risks to discover them. Even if we fail, we learn. So our efforts are never in vain. 

Writing Update: 
My husband (and creative partner) submitted our THREE BEE HONEY Graphic Novel project to Pitchfest, hosted by Kids Comics Unite. Some time had passed between our submission and the awards announcements (plus I’ve been super busy), so I kinda forgot about it. When I saw the runner-up winners, I was in awe of the talent behind all of the entries. To my shock, we won third place! It was definitely an exciting surprise. You can see our pitch here, if you're curious. We get so few wins as writers and creatives, so we have to celebrate them whenever we can.

Garden Update: 
After years with no fruit or a few tiny offerings, our blood orange tree came through this year with TONS of fruits! I’ve been making fresh orange juice, and Jon made marmalade for our close family and friends. It is delicious. There’s nothing like fresh fruit from a tree! 

​That's a wrap for 2022, but stay tuned for some updates in January. In the meantime, feel free to reach out and say “hello!” :)

Have a Happy New Year! 
Take care,
Desi

​Well, friends. It landed on my front step. I thought I’d laid low long enough to avoid it. But it finally hit me this past month.

The dreaded jury duty summons. 

​I had just recovered from COVID (and missed nearly a week of work, which is tough for teachers). As much of a pain this was, I knew I’ve gotten lots of these jury duty summons before only to be quickly dismissed. So I expected the same outcome.

I realize that I tempted the fates to mess with me that day. No doubt. 

When I reported to the courthouse, I brought papers to grade and a book to read--even a laptop to work on. Ha! Silly, naive me. Within 10 minutes of checking in, my name was called to move to jury room six. Confused, I packed all of my gear, and headed with the 40 or so others who were called. As I entered the small courtroom on the third floor, I remained confident that I’d be dismissed that same day. 

Then they assigned us all numbers and called on each of us to answer detailed questions about our lives. And I mean detailed. 

I learned a lot about strangers’ lives--fascinating stories about their families, jobs, brushes with the law, and health issues. As much as I had tons of work to catch up on, there was no way I was going to get any grading or reading done in that room. 

“Oh man…this is the best part of jury duty,” the big burly man sitting next to me said, giggling excitedly like this was an episode of a favorite show. 

The judge had enough that morning and called a lunch break, asking us to return promptly in one hour. 

It’s okay, I told myself as I ate my sandwich. I’ll probably get dismissed sometime this afternoon--no problem. 

Then we reported back to room six. Before I knew it, the bailiff said, “Juror #137.” 

Lugging my heavy teacher bag on my shoulder, I gingerly took my seat. I turned to the judge and attorneys, who were already scribbling notes on their notepads. The room grew quiet, and my face grew warm. 

I answered their questions, follow up questions, and more follow up questions. The judge asked, “Do you feel the legal system has treated you fairly in the past?”

I paused. “Yes.”

When he learned that I am an English teacher, he decided to have a little fun at my expense. “Who’s your favorite author?” he asked. 

“Toni Morrision,” I immediately replied. She always was an easy pick. 

He furrowed his heavy white brows. “I don’t know that name. Who else?”

Crap. “David Sedaris . . . Maya Angelou . . .” 

He frowned. 

“Um... Robert Frost?” I tried. 

“It doesn’t ring a bell,” the judge said, shaking his head. 

Was he really going to make me list every author on the planet? Didn’t we have a trial to start? 

“Charles Dickens?” I offered in sheer desperation. He had to have known that name! 

“Is that because you think I’m old?” he said in mock offense. 

“Okay, now I can safely say the legal system hasn’t treated me fairly,” I cracked. The judge and everyone in the courtroom erupted in laughter.

I grimaced, knowing that was when I clinched a spot on the jury. 

Sure enough, about an hour later, after they questioned more jurors, the bailiff announced: “Juror #137, please take the seat for juror number one.”

My head was spinning. This couldn’t be! I was too busy. I already missed too much school! Desperate, my mind raced. 

Can’t someone else get picked? 

Is it too late to plead hardship? 

Can I raise my hand and speak up? 

No. No. And No. It was too late. They called the rest of the twelve jurors, asked us to raise our right hands, and swore us in. Boom. Done. My face was calm, but my my mind screaming like a petulant toddler:

​Then the trial commenced without even a five minute break. The attorneys dove headfirst into their opening arguments. 

The second day of this nearly three week (!!!) trial for a complicated medical malpractice case, us jurors had gotten to know each other just a little during our awkward small talk conversations when we waited to be called into the courtroom. Don’t worry--we obeyed the rules and never discussed the trial before deliberations. 

Juror #126 turned with a grin and asked, “You enjoying some time off?” 

“It’s nice to have a little break, right?” Juror #102 added. 

“Right.” I grumbled. They had no idea that my workload had DOUBLED. I was going into my classroom to prepare for the sub at 6am every morning. Then I’d go home after a long day to catch up on grading, emails, etc. I’d been going to bed much later just to keep up with sub plans and everything else on my plate.

​But then, despite my resistance to this summons and desire to give up from sheer exhaustion, my overachiever and curious tendencies jumped into overdrive. Determined to learn and listen closely to each testimony, each cross-examination, each piece of evidence, I furiously wrote down every detail that I could. I cried after witnesses shared their hardships. I questioned contradictions. My finger joints screamed. My hand muscles burned. But I ignored the pain and remained resolute in my efforts to take this task seriously. 

I ended up writing 96 pages of notes. Front and back. 

That’s basically a novel, right?

Once we finished deliberations--over two days of thoughtful and meticulous discussion, we finished deliberations and came to a verdict. 

I asked the bailiff if I could keep my notes. You know, as a souvenir? He shut that down faster than Ticketmaster shut down Taylor Swift concert ticket sales. 

So I completed my civic duty with care, thought, and attention. My only souvenir? My experience, the lessons I learned--and the loads of knowledge I gained about the spinal cord. 

Upon returning to work from being out for nearly three weeks, one of my students asked, “Would you do it again if asked?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Yes,” I replied, surprising myself. “But only if the legal system allows a few years to pass before summoning me again.”

 Inspirational Quote: 

Alexander Pope once said, “A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring: There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain, And drinking largely sobers us again.”

Don’t we all know someone who read one article, served on one jury (ahem), or heard one podcast and was suddenly a self-proclaimed expert on the topic? Yeah, it’s pretty annoying. Don’t feel bad--I’ve been that person at times. 

Let’s do each other a favor and resolve to avoid shallow knowledge when it comes to a topic. Learn deeply, read lots of books. Talk to experts. Then you can sound off of Twitter (or TikTok, or whatever social media is around at this time) without being insufferable. 
​
Recent Read: Hey, Kiddo by Jared Krosoczka; How to Be a Person and What Can I Say? by Catherine Newman

​Since I've been exploring the graphic Memoir genre of books, I decided to reread Hey Kiddo, a graphic memoir about Jared Krosoczka’s experiences growing up while his mom struggled with substance abuse, forcing his grandparents to step in and raise him. It was a difficult situation since his mom was not the only absentee parent: his dad is not part of his life either. However, Jared did have caring grandparents who did their best to make sure he had a good upbringing while supporting his artistic endeavors. His story resonated with me because it didn’t shy away from the pain, but it also had heartwarming moments and lighthearted moments. It was real. It was authentic. It was complex. From the opening pages, you’ll get pulled into Jared’s story, rooting for him through his ups and downs. I highly recommend it! 

I also wanted to highlight a couple books I bought for my sons, which also have a graphic novel format. How to Be a Person and What Can I Say? both deal with growing up, how to navigate awkward social situations, and how to do the essential tasks to feel more independent. The illustrations are super engaging, and the text is easy for upper elementary (9 and up) and middle schoolers to digest. If you have any older kids, these would be great nonfiction titles for them!  
Pet Pics:

Lilo had some puppy training recently, so now she’s a more polite and proper pup! While there is still more room for improvement, the cats are happy about her newfound self-control.

Writing Update: 
I’ve been so busy that I’ve just had time to revise last month’s short story, “Pork on the Pali” and develop concepts for other stories I’m working on. But even when I’m not sitting at my desk and typing, I’m always thinking of the stories, letting ideas marinate and swirl around in my mind. That counts, right? 

Garden Update: 
Our persimmons have come in for the fall, although they are smaller this year (maybe due to the heat). We’re excited to make some persimmon cookies once they ripen. We just have to make sure the squirrels don’t get to them first. 

​That's all for November. In the meantime, feel free to reach out and say “hello!” I’ll catch you again next month. :)

Take care,
Desi

​I was recently talking with a colleague about charcuterie boards. We were discussing their appeal and why people make them. Aside from them basically being lunchables for grown ups, there seems to be a deeper, perhaps symbolic reason charcuterie boards have become so popular. “Food is a love language,” my colleague asserted. That idea stuck with me. 

But it’s not just making the food--it’s the way we present it. In other words, arranging it in an aesthetically pleasing way that tells your loved ones that you care.  

Before I go on, let’s review the concept of “Love Languages” with tacos:

​Simply put, Love Languages are ways that we express our love to others. These can be overlooked by someone looking for more traditional cues--such as verbal expressions of one’s affection or physical touch--so it’s helpful in any relationship to pay attention and recognize when someone is making the effort to be kind and loving in a meaningful way. 

​That made me reflect on the ways I express my love to others. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a crappy gift-giver. I hate shopping, so I default to gift cards. Boring, I know. And I am not one to dish out a lot of compliments or words of affection, so I can seem cold at times. I’m trying to improve on my words of affection, but it’s a work in progress. 

But then I thought about my love of food and how I share that with others. I think about what will taste good together, what extra flavors and nutrients I can add to make the most of it, and how to make it look appealing. I can’t just slop the food on a plate. It has to look inviting. We’re visual creatures, after all. 

So how do I display my love? It instinctively comes through service, hands down. I will gladly spend my time in the kitchen, creating something special that will make my loved ones feel nourished, adding  my own small touches in what I make to show others that I care. Whenever my friends or family eat something I make--whether it’s a burrito, a charcuterie board, or a salad, they can rest assured that I put my heart into that meal. 
​
Inspirational Quote:
“Always be a little kinder than necessary.”--James M. Barrie

We never know what struggles people are going through. Despite our efforts to be “fine” and smile when we’re supposed to, people are grappling with some very difficult situations. Everyone is fighting their own battles. This isn’t the grief Olympics--we are not competing for who is suffering more than others--but it’s important to treat all people with compassion. 

Pet Pics:

Current Read: Nimona by Noelle Stevenson

Noelle Stevenson’s graphic novel, Nimona, was such a rad book. It’s a fantastical adventure story about a shapeshifter and a misunderstood villain teaming together to fight the truly evil forces in their world. I loved the humor, and Nimona is such a fun, lovable protagonist despite her flaws. It has a Stranger Things meets grown up Adventure Time vibe in a Medieval/Sci Fi setting. It’s super random, but it really works! 

Writing Update: 
Whenever I’m stuck on a given project, I’ve found it helpful to switch to another creative task or even another activity altogether. It also has been very challenging to find time to write at all as a parent. My kids definitely keep me busy, so I find myself working around their schedule and stealing time (even if it’s just 5 or 10 minutes) whenever I can. I thought I’d have more time for things as they got older, but I was very wrong (silly, naive me). However,  I’ve gotten better at accepting the fact that this is a very chaotic time in my life. *shrugs* Sorry not sorry, universe. I’m doing the best that I can. 

When the stars align and I have a good chunk of quiet time, I brainstorm other stories and write ideas down for them. It’s nothing super structured: I set a timer and list dialogue and thoughts and images as they come, which I will organize later. I just need to mine the raw material from my mind first in a writing “sprint.”. When I get stuck at the keyboard, it really helps to go for a walk or a run (a very slow one, haha). That seems to unclog my writers’ block. I highly recommend switching gears if you’re struggling with a writing task. 
​
Garden Update: 
The fig trees have come through with a ton of fruit! Yay! We all LOVE figs, so we’re excited to eat them. Also, the grapes are ripe now and very sweet. I’m glad we have some healthy fruit to snack on all day. 

​That's all for now, but stay tuned for next month's updates. In the meantime, feel free to reach out and say “hello!” :)

Take care,
Desi

​Hey, everyone! I know it’s been a few months since you’ve heard from me. Life got extremely stressful a few months ago, and I needed to step back a bit to focus on my health and my family. 

Glad to come back now that all is well with the world. Right?.....RIGHT? 

Speaking of chaos, I am now a parent of a pre-teen. I have worked with teens and adolescents for over 20 years (16 as a teacher, and 4+ years in parks and recreation). Before I go on, I want to make something clear: I love my children dearly. They are great kids with big hearts, and they work hard for their goals. They have made me proud on many occasions.

*Ahem* But being a parent of a tween/teen? Nothing--and I mean NOTHING--could have prepared me for this rollercoaster. 

So a few months ago, my oldest son was in one of his moods because I had set limits on his screen time. I know….the audacity, mom!

After trying to bait me into an argument, he stewed in his anger, sullen with his arms crossed in the passenger seat. I’d try to make casual conversation, but he stared ahead in cold silence. Ouch. 

I gripped the steering wheel and my thinning patience, willing myself to follow my therapists’ advice to take deep breaths and back off before I made things worse. 

I’m not a religious person, but I find myself praying for a sense of calm a LOT more these days. 

Anywho, a song came on: ”Walk” by Foo Fighters. The speakers played Dave Grohl’s words quietly as we sat at the long red light. I bobbed my head to the beat, but I didn’t dare say a word or turn up the dial to hear it better. It suddenly felt like a weird game of chicken. Who was going to break character and turn up the volume? Finally, my son went for it. He couldn’t resist this song.  

With quiet, unsure voices, we sang along with the lyrics. I hesitated to look at my son, but I could hear him. Gradually, our voices rose until we sang loudly over the music, letting our frustrations melt away from the car and unite in our affinity for great music. Then another beloved song played, and we belted those lyrics like the scene from Wayne’s World.

I could feel our anger dissipate with every lyric. For these fleeting moments, there was no judgment. No button-pushing. Just sweet catharsis through a stranger’s poetry. Even though these years will be tough and require a ton of patience, I’m comforted to know that music can help us stay connected. Despite the angst and turmoil, we can still find a way to understand each other. 

Nowadays, when he gets in the car, after telling him how happy I am to see him, I always ask, “What song would you like to hear today?”

Some of our Favorite Songs:

Inspirational Quote:
"Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends.”--Alphonse de Lamartine 

This quote echoes my story beautifully. I have special songs for many loved ones in my life (and some people from my past). Oftentimes, when I think of someone, their song will happen to play on the radio or on a store speaker if I’m running errands. This happens more times than I can count, and it’s definitely bittersweet. Music will always be my way of connecting with others and my memories with them.

​Pet Pics:

Glennon Doyle’s memoir, Untamed, came in just at the right time in my life. Doyle recounts her journey overcoming her own demons and abandoning society’s limiting expectations for her as a woman, mother, and wife. She advocates for all of us to recognize when we feel unsatisfied and stuck. When we feel unhappy, Doyle urges us to be courageous and follow our true instincts. It is a call to action to live our lives in the truest way possible, embracing the messiness and opening ourselves up to what the world has to offer. This book was hard to put down. It is eye-opening, inspiring, and deeply emotional. I give it 5/5 stars and strongly recommend it!

Writing Update: 
I shared a recent draft of In The Middle of the Sea with my agent, and she had some extensive (but very helpful) editing notes. When I got those notes, however, life became extremely hectic. Frankly, my brain went on survival mode, and I did not have the time or energy to do much writing at all. However, now that summer has begun and I can breathe again, I am forcing myself to get back into the workflow each morning. One exercise that is helping me find my way back into the story is doing short freewriting “sprints” (by hand) in a notebook, getting into my MC’s head, and recounting her memories, fears, hopes, etc. I am not worrying about plot--I’m just trying to reach her on a deeper, emotional level. 

Garden Update: 
After Ross (our beloved border collie) passed away, we planted a fig tree in our backyard to honor his memory. He loved being outside, and we wanted to have a place to sit and think of him. The figs represent his sweet nature. We miss Ross dearly, but we’re happy to have a way to remember him. 

That's all for now, but stay tuned for next month's updates. In the meantime, feel free to reach out and say “hello!” :)
Take care,
Desi

​Now that Thanksgiving is over, we are officially in the holiday season. I must admit: I love seeing the lights up on houses. Walking around the neighborhood at night with a warm cup of hot chocolate or cider? Awesome. And daydreaming about resting over the holiday break? Even more awesome sauce. 

But then the inevitable question arises:

 “What do you want for Christmas?”

 You may be wondering why this question isn’t so awesome. Frankly, it gives me anxiety, and up to this point, I wasn’t totally sure why. But today, lucky readers, I’d like to explore the reasons a bit more, if I may. 

Reason #1: I don’t need anything, really.
Well, that’s not totally true. I need a LOT of time. I need sleep. I need a strong, well-functioning democracy. I need humanity to stop being so selfish. I need someone to grade my students’ work (LOL). I don’t need clothes, shoes, or kitchen gadgets. I don’t need socks or even (GASP) books. I already feel like I have too much stuff, and I have been trying to clean out my house and donate items to goodwill, which is truly a Sisyphean task. Yet, we are inundated with messages urging us to rush around and buy stuff people don’t need to keep the wheels of the economy moving. 

Reason #2: Let’s consider the climate crisis, please.
We are in danger of damaging our planet beyond repair. I know I sound like a huge joykill, but the fact is that the act of manufacturing products does leave a carbon footprint. When I see my own kids opening up plastic toys, I can’t help but imagine how many of these toys end up in landfills each year (after breaking or collecting dust), and I cringe. We live in a society that values excess, and it is so wasteful. Am I the only crazy person seeing this and feeling such existential dread? I don’t think I’m alone. To clarify: I am not anti-gift giving, but I would love to see people being more mindful about the products they buy. 

Simply put: planet Earth doesn’t vibe with this rush to buy stuff just to buy stuff. 

Reason #3: I just want connection. 
These past two years were super isolating, frightening, and frankly, very taxing on our collective mental health. It made me realize how vital it is to have meaningful connections with other people. How important it is to have people to talk to and share ideas with. I love the idea of hiking with family and friends, hosting game nights, or having a meal with loved ones, sharing jokes and laughs in the warmth of good company. Most of all, I want to feel seen and valued, to feel like someone out there is interested in what I have to say and really sees me, despite my many flaws. I’d venture to guess many others would benefit from this priceless gift of simple connection and acceptance.

For me, the holidays are bittersweet. They are a time to get some MUCH needed “rest,” and at the same time, it comes with many stressors and conflicting messages. Nevertheless, I will try my best to go back to the basics and practice what I preach with my own family, giving them gifts that are truly priceless: connection, quality time, and lifelong memories.

Inspirational Quote:
“Rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” -Lao Tzu

Speaking of changing our perspective, this quote is saved on my phone notes, and it reminds me of my angst about gifting. I feel that if we put more energy into focusing on being grateful for what we have instead of focusing on what we lack, we’d be a lot better off. 

Current Read: The Stepping Off Place by Cameron Kelly Rosenblum

This book follows a high school senior’s life after she learns that her best friend died by suicide. Reid, the main character, takes us on her quest to find answers: which signs did she miss? What secrets did her best friend keep from her? This story pulled me in from the very first pages with the vivid emotions conveyed and compelling details, and it was so hard to put down. I laughed and cried along with Reid. I was haunted by the questions she raised about her friend. I walked with Reid through her process of grief, reflecting on my own journey and fears along the way. 

In case any movie producers are reading this: I would LOVE to see this as a movie. 

Writing Update: 
I received some very helpful feedback on my current middle grade manuscript, In the Middle of the Sea, and I am working on revisions. First, I am adding more details in the early chapters so that readers would know what life was like for Malia (my main character) before her life fell apart. I also want to add more details about the setting, now that the characters are developed. Even though my experience as a writer is more limited, I have learned some valuable lessons about revisions: I can’t fix everything in one round. Rather, I have to focus on different elements during each stage. For instance, my very first draft just focused on plot and characters. The writing was rough, but I had to get the “beats” of the story down. Then on the second round of revisions, I focused on fleshing out the characters more, making them more vivid and complex with details and believable dialogue. Now, I am working on enriching the setting of the story (time and place). Realizing this takes a lot of pressure off and frees me to prioritize during each revision, keeping it from being too overwhelming. While I think many other writers would agree with this practice, it is most important for each writer to find their own best “fit” in terms of workflow and process. 

Garden Update: 
Our persimmon tree gave us lots of fruit (yay!). Since these are the Hachiya variety (the astringent kind), we cannot eat them raw, like many other fruits that grow on trees. However, once they ripen and soften, these are great for baking. My son helped me bake persimmon bread this past week, and my husband also makes delicious persimmon cookies. 

​That's all for now, but stay tuned for more updates in January after some much needed hibernation. 

In the meantime, feel free to reach out, share this with friends, and/or comment on this post. I love hearing from you all! :) 

Happy Holidays!

Take care,
Desi

​October is here, and the gross heat is finally breaking. People started stretching spider webs across their fences and yards, settling lopsided pumpkins in porches and walkways, and sticking silly, pun-filled tombstones around their yards. Seeing these decorations go up as I drive home has got me feeling like: 

​As much as I love the decorations, my absolute favorite activity this month is dressing up for Halloween. I cannot emphasize this enough: I LIVE for this. 

When I was a teenager, I made a promise to myself: always dress up for Halloween. Even when I’m 95 years old and unable to walk, I still want to slap something on myself--even just a headband with bunny ears, if nothing else. 

This promise wasn’t about winning a prize or gaining clout on social media (which didn’t exist when I was a teenager--thank goodness). 

This promise was about having fun, first and foremost. And what better way to have fun than to put on a silly costume and pretend you’re some other character for one day?

And when I became a mom, I took this commitment to the next level: we upgraded to FAMILY costumes. 

To my delight, we were all in during those early years. Well, actually, my kids were too little to say “no” or protest, but they seemed equally excited about the idea of dressing up as a family. We’d collaborate on costume ideas: sharing our favorite movies, shows, and characters, whittling ideas down to the most “do-able” options. 

For instance, our kids discovered Star Wars, so we had a family Star Wars costume. And when we got into Adventure Time, we each chose our favorite alter-ego from that show.

​For a long time, I felt like the “cool” mom, strolling around the neighborhood in our awesome, unified, homemade costumes. 

But now that my kids are older, they want to assert their independence. Establish their own style and interests. Totally understandable, right? 

But their first act of independence was swift and brutal: they wanted to shed the family costume.

*GASP* 

I balked at first, more stung by the idea that they didn’t want to associate so closely with me, their parent. But I had to put my own ego aside and recognize that they were right: it was bound to happen, and it came sooner than I expected. 

Another life lesson: the “cool mom” to “cringe mom” pipeline is real, folks. 

Of course, I respected my kids’ wishes and let them choose their own costume, even if it was a mass produced “Scream” costume we bought at Target (no bitterness here, I swear!). 

Regardless of my new “embarrassing” mom status, I will embrace my cringe-y ways and put on my beloved Minnie Mouse ears. 

Time to go back to having fun this Halloween! 

Inspirational Quote:
"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living”--Marcus Cicero

In addition to celebrating Halloween, we also celebrate Dia de los Muertos as a way to honor family members who have passed. This is a bittersweet event because we miss those who have died, and we always feel the pangs of grief that will never go away. This year, I will honor my dad on our altar. I never had the chance to say goodbye or to heal our broken relationship, which hurts me deeply. I'm still gutted by the shock of his death. Nevertheless, I am also grateful for the chance to reflect on the positive memories and wish him well in the spiritual realm. For all of our family members who have passed on: we remember you and keep you in our hearts. 

Current Read: Honolulu, by Alan Brennert

This is a lush story with rich imagery that transported me to Honolulu during the early 20th century. It features a Korean woman named Jin, a former picture bride, who immigrated to Hawaii and must find her way through this foreign and exotic land. Brennert loaded his narrative with research about life in Korea, in addition to intertwining Jin’s journey with real Hawaiian history and cultural references. Honolulu’s immersive details kept me grounded in the story. Brennert also wrote Moloka’i, and I would LOVE to see one of his books adapted into a film.

Writing Update: I attended the SCBWI SoCal Chapter Fall Conference on Saturday, October 2, and learned so much about how to improve my writing craft. We listened to engaging presentations from agents, editors, and published authors, who all took the time to answer our questions afterwards. Moreover, I was able to follow along with live critiques of our talented fellow members’ first pages, learning a lot about what makes a first page grab a reader’s interest. If you have aspirations to write children’s books, I highly recommend joining SCBWI and attending events like these. 

Garden Update: We planted this Asian pear tree years ago. Even though it never bore fruit, we’d water it in the hopes that we’d be fortunate enough to get homegrown pears some day. I’m excited to say that that time has finally come! I was watering this week, and discovered some little pears on our tree. Yay! 

​Phew! That's all for now, but stay tuned for more stories and updates. In the meantime, feel free to reach out, share this with friends, and/or comment on this post. I truly appreciate hearing from you! :) 

Take care,
Desi